Yesterday was not a good day emotion wise. I cried a lot. Grief is such a weird thing the way it leads you through so many different thoughts and feelings one right on top of another. Sometimes one of the hardest things to deal with is that life just seems to keep right on moving on like he (Gabe) wasn't even here. Even my own body seems completely traitorous in the fact that it has snapped back into shape (don't throw rocks at me) without a sign that he was there. I just want to slam on the brakes because I don't feel ready to move on just yet... makes me want to climb onto the roof of my house and scream "does ANYONE understand what just happened to me? " And yet, one of the comforting thoughts is that life won't always be like this - the sting and sorrow won't always be this strong. Even on not good days, I am noticing little glimpses of the joy that will be restored to us again in small ways.
So today was a better day than yesterday and here are the little things that helped make it so:
Kisses from Joe & Blitz
Taking a real hot shower without fear of "stimulating" things
Watching Angie Smith's video and feeling like I know her personally - what a lady!!
Downloading Beyonce's "Put a Ring On It" and Britney's "Circus" (don't judge me)
Finding this verse and of course applying it to Gabe: "But now,thus says the Lord, your Creator, and He who formed you, 'Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are Mine.' " Isaiah 43:1
Granny's soup - I swear it's better than a magical elixir
A spring-like day
Loving and understanding family
Sweet emails in my inbox and cards in my mailbox
The DVR simultaneously recording Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares & The Office
Freshly washed bedsheets
Baby steps. But it's good. Here's hoping it continues on in that direction.